Plot: Master sculpture Michelangelo (Charlton Heston!) gets a commission from the pope (Rex Harrison) to paint the ceiling of The Sistine Chapel. Wacky hi-jinks ensue.
Man, this movie really tries to cram freaking everything into just over two hours! It’s an art movie, a history lesson, a religious epic, and a war film all in one! It really says something that it doesn’t fall flat on its ass. Sadly it’s also not a great film, Despite it’s epic qualities and really impressive sets and costumes, the whole thing is a little flat and only really comes to life when Heston and Harrison are bickering, giving the film a touch of camp that it really needed more of. And hey! Did you know that Michelangelo was probably gay in real life? You couldn’t tell if you watched this movie though, other than some non-hints involving a pointless romantic subplot that were used to cover it.
I give it a solid “C” rating. Interesting but ultimately forgettable.
Remember when Limp Bizkit did a cover of The Who’s Behind Blue Eyes and they cut out the middle section of the song and replaced it with a Speak and Spell spelling out the bands name, and then in the video Fred Durst stuck his tongue down Halle Berry’s throat? That pretty much sums up what the 2000’s were like.
I remember the light rain The way it made the earth smell Primal, almost dangerous I remember the cars that sped by The stench of their exhaust As we stood by the freeway Someone yelled something as they passed But neither of us paid attention I remember the trees like soldiers That stood watch over the beer cans And the condom wrappers That had roamed aimlessly And ended up against the chain link fence I remember the sun that gave no warmth From the rain that had soaked through my clothes
I remember everything But I don’t remember much about you Because I couldn’t look at your face As you said goodbye